I'm not perfect...

Well, it's been another sleepless week and several words have come to mind but, as true testimony to the level of deprivation I'm facing, they've escaped me. A couple of them were REALLY good too, so I hope they come back.

I'm doing a bible study called "Conversation Peace" by Mary Kassian (okay, I admit to having to pause and google the book so that I could look up the author because I was too lazy to run into my room and grab the actual book.) <--- SEE - not perfect.

The study is about having transformed speech and words. The author says that women use about 48,000 words a day. Now if you translate that into a 16 hour day (because perfect people get 8 hours of sleep) then that's about 3000 words an hour or, 50 words a minute. (yes, I had to pause and use the computers calculator because as we established in the title, I'm not perfect.)

I imagine there are days when I use even more than that or, as I introduced myself last week, may use 48,000 words but because I talk so fast it really only sounds like 30,000. But even in joking about how fast I talk I have to ask myself - do I really need to be using all of those words? Do they all impart information, make someone feel better, enrich someone's life, or further God's kingdom? Are they spoken clearly with no room for misinterpretation or do they get lost in the shuffle of all of the other, less important rantings? I think (too much) that I try to evaluate what I say and to whom but know that I fall prey to gossip and even slander. How many times have I said that I'm venting but really have been assasinating someone's character or someone else's opinion of them? Even when it's unintentionally and unwittingly done it still has an effect.

The author says that we are also shaped by the words we hear. Those words that are spoken aloud by others and those other ones that are whispered to us by those inner voices of self-doubt. "You're not worthy." "Why would they like you?" "You're too fat, too skinny, too tall, too short, too loud, too quiet, too lazy, too energetic...." and the list goes on. Who defines you? Who has told you that you aren't perfect? Being imperfect doesn't make us bad - it just makes us human. And ALL humans make mistakes. But here's the thing - do you let a mistake define you? Do you let it stop you? Do you let it hinder relationships? Do you seek forgiveness? Forgiveness isn't always about getting the other person to let it go - it is often about your ability to let it go yourself. There have been times that I have asked forgiveness and the person hasn't even known they've been wronged (there's my imperfection showing again - thinking that I have the power to slight someone with every action or every word). But it's about attitude. If I think in my heart that I've hurt someone then I need to seek forgiveness to move on.

There are other times when we're 'just joking' and something we've said gets taken the wrong way because of the context, our body language, or some other unknown reason. Think before you are quick to judge - walk in their shoes and remember that you and God define who you are - not the world. Do not take all hurts to heart but do help the hearts that hurt.

See, I'm not perfect. I don't have all of the answers. I haven't walked a mile in your shoes but I have walked a mile. Walk with me, discover who you truly are and what words and traits paint the clearest picture of you. And, when you get a moment, think about the words you would use to define others. Do they put someone in a box or encourage them to fly?

I know that I have put myself in a box at times. But living in a box gets old, and stuffy and musty. It's hard to do and one can't grow if that's your only frame of reference.

Nope - don't have all the answers. Don't want 'em. I'm not perfect but I am persistent. I'll keep looking for the answers and coming up with more questions. That is what helps me get outside the box and outside of myself. And, maybe, if I'm lucky, I'll get some sleep.

Have a good night!