Well, after the two words kept me up two nights in a row I actually had a pretty good night's sleep. So, full of energy and renewed determination (the coffee didn't hurt), I decided to attack the apple tree. I know what you're thinking.... "what did the poor apple tree ever do to me, right?" or maybe,"it's not really apple tree pruning season, Taira"... Yeah, yeah. So when has that ever stopped me?
So armed with my pruners I began attacking what I could reach from the relative safety of the ground. I say that because I had to dodge the land mines that Mo had left for me in the bunkers he apparently created on the side of the grass I couldn't see because of the low hanging branches. Well, that and the fact that I must be pruner challenged because I kept managing to pinch my arm in the darn things... but I digress.
I'm sure you can see where this is leading (sure wish I could have.) Anyhow, I stepped back to admire my work only to realize that while I'd done a great job on the bottom of the tree there was still much to be done a-way-up-there. Now, it's not that big of a tree. At least that's what I told myself. How much harm could I do? (I know you're laughing... that's why blogs are good sometimes, no immediate feedback.)
Now, those of you that know me well, know that I do plan for all eventualities. I did think about taking a phone outside or putting my cell phone in my pocket but I thought, it might ring and scare me out of the tree or worse, I'd fall out of the tree and land on the phone and I don't have the money to replace it. And of course I always get these wild whims when no one else is home. But, I reasoned with myself, I also have a loud voice so if I got into serious trouble I could yell for help. (Please note - for future reference - it is hard to yell if you are unconscious... this thought did not enter my otherwise usually rational mind until I was back on the ground.)
So... now I'm armed with the hacksaw and a chair (ladders are for sissies). I hop up on the chair (okay, I lumbered onto the chair but this is my story and one day I'll be spry enough to hop again... at least I hope so...). I sprang onto the first branch... okay, I delicately tested the 6" long result of my earlier pruning and determined that if I didn't stand on it for more than 3 seconds it would hold me long enough to hoist/drag/pray myself onto the much thicker, longer, solid branch a foot above it. I was right. So, I managed to get myself up into the tree, no problem. Got the branches sawed that I wanted to. Of course the entire tree was shaking (and so were parts of me - further proof that my efforts to beat the hungry monster are well-founded.) But, not enough to actually get the branches to fall. No.... of course not... so I had to climb a little higher to get them to drop down.
By this point the cats thought it was raining. Really, I'd just worked up a good sweat and couldn't free up a hand from my death grip on the tree to wipe it away. Decided maybe that was enough for the day. So I began my catlike descent. I made it almost to the chair, because remember, ladders are for sissies, when the 6" protrusion that I'd decided could hold me for 3 seconds begged to differ. Thankfully, I do, on occasion, have some lightening fast reflexes left in me so I quickly (yes, really this time) popped back up into the tree. Where I began to ponder my options because of course, I had decided against the phone and really didn't want any of my neighbors to know how silly I looked (it's much better giving you the mental picture in writing instead...).
So, after some twisting and turning, I managed to get myself low enough that my tippy toes could touch the back of the chair. I reasoned that I'd be able to stand on the back of the chair long enough to use my lightening quick reflexes to twist around and get my other foot onto the seat of the chair to balance. I see now that I was being overly optimistic. Those reflexes seem to have a one time per week use limit that I didn't see in the fine print of being over thirty. So, somehow as I put a little more weight onto the chair it decided to sink into the dirt. Literally. Until the seat bottom was touching the dirt and my feet were touching.... well.... can you really touch air? Not for very long at least, in my brief experience falling the last 5ft. Wouldn't have been so bad had I not found another 4" product of my earlier pruning to snag my leg on and then land on the rosebush I swore I'd pull out last year.
Thank GOODNESS no one was around to see that. How embarassing would that be? Wait, I'm digressing again. So - again, if you've read any of these blogs you know that I usually try to tie the title in somehow....
Apparently my psychic sleepless night words came to me in the correct order but I refused to listen. See, I should have asked for "help" before "scaling" the tree. Instead, I "scaled" the tree and needed "help". It provides a funny story but also a valuable lesson to look for meaning in the mundane and to listen for clues/hints even when you don't think they're there. It can save you some bruises and pains in the.... but I digress.
Hope you had a good laugh! And maybe thought about something as a bonus :)
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