Get Real Moments...

So the past few weeks have been full of those get real moments when you realize life is moving on and you can't just be an observer but have to take an active part or it really passes you by. I've been trying to get honest with myself and sometimes I don't always like what I see. I know that I need to exercise more and eat better. I could be a better budgeter with the family finances. And, honestly, I think I'm self sabotaging myself with school. On some level I'm still dealing with the uncertainties of actually finishing my education and not being sure that teaching is what I want to do. It's what I thought I wanted to do. It's what I would be good at. It's more or less what I do already. There's a quote that I like by George Eliot, "It's never too late to be what you might have been". I think I'm afraid to become what I 'might' have been - a teacher. Teaching doesn't scare me. But getting my degree and being tied into a career scares me. At least I can admit that now. I love what I do now and absolutely delight in the people and kids that I work with. But, I've always known that it wouldn't necessarily last or that if it didn't I could always go back and finish my degree. But not having the degree meant that I didn't have to choose where my life was going. I watch how hard teaching is for my friends. I cry at night about some of the kids and their lives. I believe that I effect change or have an impact on many of the lives at school - I worry about being 'tied down' to just one class and one age group. Will I have the same impact? Will I become frustrated and disenchanted with the system? Will I burn out if I see the same faces each and every day? More unknowns. And those that know me well, know that I don't do unknowns. I have lived a life planning for every possibility, every eventuality so that I'm not surprised. Surprises have a way of disappointing you or at least me - maybe I'm just the freak that admits it. I can't really think of any surprise in my life that was good - at least initially. Things like getting pregnant certainly weren't a surprise any 19 year old would like, though in the end it brought me so many joys - a beautiful daughter, a loving husband, and a spirited son, not to mention the dogs, house, job etc that have all been a part of God's plan, even when they weren't necessarily a part of mine. So often I have counseled others to 'let go and let God'. Guess it's time to practice what I preach. I've been holding on to the baggage of the past and have been afraid to truly move forward. I want to, but it's scary. Will you help and support me? I'll need some friends on this journey to becoming the new and improved me. I need some accountability. I need some encouragement. I probably need some kicks in the butt too - hard, because there's a lot of butt to get moving :o) On my mark, get set, GROW!