In the beginning of the movie "Top Gun", fighter pilot Cougar resigns by saying, "I'm holding on too tight. I've lost the edge." This movie runs through my mind from time to time - probably more during the summer when the soundtrack brings back fond high school memories of driving to A&W or playing beach volleyball.
The quote was on my mind again this weekend as I was running a race, but we'll get back to that in a minute. I'm also reading a Tom Clancy novel at the moment in which one of the characters is lamenting getting older but has come to the realization that pain really is a matter of mind over matter. He is able to appreciate the fact that youth has a short memory and high tolerance for pain but also for the wisdom that comes with age and prevents one from putting themself into situations in which pain is sure to be an outcome.
So back to "holding on too tight". As I was running the race this weekend, I was using a bit of mind over matter magic to try and ignore the aches and pains. I was also acknowledging the fact that many of those perceived aches and pains come from the fact that I'm running with 100 extra pounds on my body. The thought kept running (no pun intended) through my mind, 'Why is my body holding on so tightly to these pounds?' For almost 3 years now I have worked out harder and longer than at almost any other time in the past twenty years. I have lost a grand total of 14 lbs. This past year, I have tried to work on my eating habits in addition to the exercise and.... nothing. It is literally like my body on some cellular level, wants to hold on to the weight. But of course our bodies only do what our minds tell them so I've been tyring to figure out what else I'm holding on to that might have caused me to lose my edge or edges -and become one big blob.
On the opposite end of things is letting go. Sometimes when we hold on too tightly to something the answer is to let go. There is a difference however, in just letting go of things and letting oneself go. I've let myself go - both physically and in some cases emotionally. In some ways I would be better served by getting control and holding on a little more - just not too tightly.
Where does that leave us then? It's hard to hold on and let go at the same time. In fact, it's impossible. Balance is the answer. We have to discern when and what to hold on to, and when and what to let go. For me, I need to hold on to the desire to lose the weight and get in better shape. I need to let go of my fear of failing, of ending up as one of the shapeless lower halves walking down the street on one of Jean Enerson's King 5 Healthlinks on obesity. I need to hold on to my love of my family but let them go and be who they are. I need to hold on to my values but let go of my judgement of those who may not feel the same. I need to hold on to my dreams and let go of the nagging doubts and negativity that can get in the way of achieving them. We need to get rid of that 'stinking thinking' and tell it, 'negative Ghost Rider, the pattern is full'.
When we hold on to things without gripping to tightly it's actually easier to hold on longer. We have more endurance and ability. When we're not tensed and holding on to tight, it's also easier to let go. It's easier to achieve that balance. I'm working on trying to figure out why my body is holding on so tightly to this weight and trying to find a way to let it go. Regardless of the reasons, there will be some hard work involved, and I imagine, a fair amount of mind over matter/no pain, no gain mentality.
I just want to be healthy - in all areas of my life. Are there things that you are holding on too tightly too? Things that you need to let go? Are you the best you can be? Can you imagine what that would look like? I can and look forward all of us being Top Guns in our own right. Here's to regaining our edge and edges and to finding the balance to hold on and let go when we need to.
Thank you for being in my life and helping m on this journey.
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