GRADUATION reflections :)

WOW - can't believe I haven't blogged since SEPTEMBER!?!?!! Crazy how time has gone by and how much has happened since then.

While on paper I graduated in January and received my degree and teacher certification, I officially "Walked" yesterday. I knew it was going to be special and that I had to do it. I just wasn't prepared for how much it would mean and the many feelings and emotions I would have.

This blog has chronicled some of the ups and downs and there may yet be some reflections on the process in the months to come. Some of you who have read this blog, or who know me personally, know that I can tend toward angst, with a healthy dose of self-reflection that can sound, at times, a little self-loathing. It's not that I don't like myself, it's more that I have never felt entirely comfortable in my own skin or that I was really being my authentic self. Many of you that I've spoken with know that the journey to finish my degree wasn't necessarily  (at first) a journey to a better life and changing my path but more of finishing what I'd started and feeling that I'd finished a looooonnnnnggggg chapter in my life that seemed to have no ending.

The day started with an on-camera interview about my time with and thoughts about my experience with WGU Washington. I almost didn't go. I had, in my mind, put myself out there and applied to be a commencement speaker and was not selected. Shockingly (not!) I took this personally and felt a small sense of rejection. In part because this moment has been SO important to me, I really wanted it to be perfect. I also wanted to surprise my family and parents by doing it and felt that it would somehow validate the experience even more. When they called to tell me I hadn't been selected, I was instead offered the interview which, in the emotion of the moment, I considered a consolation prize. (especially because they wanted me downtown by 8:30am...lol)

Ciara came with me for the interview and I was introduced to some of the folks that keep WGU Washington running. While waiting for my turn, I got to see the offices and even one of the "human billboards" that's used in the commercials. Ciara talked me out of trying to try it on... but it was REALLY hard to walk away from that photo op :) I got to do the interview and felt that I got to be 'me' and say what I wanted to say. A true privilege for me (and good TV for them) was the opportunity to pull Ciara into the interview and be able to both hear her tell me what getting my degree meant to her as well as what it meant to me. For what it's worth, my life changed dramatically when I had Ciara. Yes, it meant that I had to quit school but it also opened me up to other blessings and opportunities and I wouldn't change a thing. I have always felt, however, that that part of the story didn't have closure. I never wanted her to feel blamed or responsible for me not finishing. Doing the interview and graduating feels in part a repayment and gift to her. Because I have now finished, there are no more "what ifs" no more unknowns about my past. I have finished everything I thought I was meant to do 21 years ago. Finishing before she is done means (at least to me) that she is completely free to shed whatever the past held and embrace whatever the future may hold. By me becoming who I was meant to be, it feels like I can give her the same gift. (see, there's some more of that angst that seems to hang around.)

But back to the ceremony.... I arrived for rehearsal and had the privilege of meeting a few of the gals from my teaching cohort. We had 'met' weekly for our phone conferences for the last 18 weeks of our Student Teaching but had never met in person. They were as close to classmates as we'd get and seeing their faces was an added bonus. An added bonus to having done the interview was that I then knew the camera crew and as such got several candids snapped of me throughout the rehearsal and ceremony. Pomp and Circumstance has always gotten me whenever friends or family have walked (or rolled) but it really took my breath away in the same way the putting on that cap and gown did. I think I just never thought it would really and truly happen for me. Right before walking in, Brandon and Rachel arrived and I got give them a quick way. As we marched in, Jodi my host teacher for my special ed placement, was right at the top of the walkway. Shortly after her I looked up to the balcony and saw my family and friends. That got to me more than the music. It suddenly dawned on me that for all of the times that I may have felt alone, I really was never actually alone. My mom started crying and that got me going - I have lived with feeling shame and disappointment at not finishing. Even though I was 21 years late, I was still the first Randall to graduate college (which made my dad weepy... and that got me going too). I looked to the left and saw Steve and Susan, waving and cheering. So much love in that hall for the graduates but I think no one felt more loved than me. The ceremony started and the only word that I can think of to describe it is JOY. I couldn't stop smiling, I just wanted to 'happy dance' all over the place.

The moment finally came and it was my turn to walk across the stage. They called my name and all I heard were the cheers and applause of my family and friends (which was the loudest up to that point, I think they threw down the gauntlet). Looking up into the crowd seemed like a slow-motion Hallmark movie as I scanned the faces of those I love most filled with smiles, tears, thumbs up, fist pumps and high fives. More JOY. 

After the ceremony (and a gut-wrenching drive home on the hills of downtown with a manual transmission in heels...), my good friends put together a reception for me. Breaking bread (the yummy rosemary kind from Safeway... thank you, Candice!) and sharing conversations and memories with people just meant the world to me. 

I feel JOY. I feel completion. I feel a sense of validation. I am grateful. I am hopeful. I am happy. I am DONE! (for now.)

Thank you. So many of you have offered words of wisdom, encouragement, solace and prayers. It was not a journey made by only me. Thank you for traveling the road with me.

And for those of you who care to read it... my speech is attached (well, the bones of it at least... I planned to elaborate in parts if it was chosen).

WGU Washington Graduation Speech (Draft)

Taira L. Rink

Good afternoon. It is my pleasure to be standing in front of you this afternoon. Really, it’s a COMPLETE JOY! (insert happy dance).

A short time ago I painted this picture. It wasn’t without help. While I have a marginal aptitude for all things crafty it isn’t something I’ve studied. In short, I couldn’t have done it on my own. I took a class and with the help of the instructors this masterpiece took shape. I’m pretty proud of it. The painting is the door of what appears to be a villa or house (I like to think it’s in Italy, a place I’d like to visit someday). For many of us, doors have a played a role in our lives. We have had doors that closed, doors that opened and doors that we haven’t yet stepped through. Like the painting says, the door represents possibilities – we just have to decide how we’re going to proceed. In this case, it was a matter of choosing what colors to use, how big to make the door, how many flowers to use etc. I made those decisions with the help of the teacher, the other class participants and the lessons learned from other experiences.

THIS is my diploma with my degree on it. Like the painting, with the help of others along the way I was able to create this masterpiece. I’m pretty proud of it and judging by the smiles I see on the faces today, so are you. And we should be.

George Eliot (a pseudonym for Mary Ann Evans who wrote under a masculine name to avoid prejudice against her writing) once said, “It’s never too late to be who you might have been.” I came across that quote several years ago when I was mulling about the idea of returning to school. You see, from a very early age I thought I knew who I was destined to be. In fact, as a fourth grader volunteering in Nancy Trenbeth’s Special Education class I was interviewed by the local paper and went on record saying that I was going to go to Western Washington University and major in Special Education and become a teacher. The reporter smiled in such a way that, looking back, said I would probably change my mind one hundred times before I even got there. 

Fast forward several years and indeed, I was at Western and pursuing that degree. But, instead of majoring in Special Education life took a different turn and I ended up majoring in motherhood instead. That turn brought its own set of struggles and many, many joys but it also meant the end of school for me. Life went on, I found other ways to pursue my passion for working with special needs kids and adults while raising a family. 

Many of you have stories as well – dreams started but not finished. Dreams that changed. Dreams that were born. Adversities faced. Challenges overcome. When I found this quote it made me wonder, was it too late to be who I might have been? Or could I still realize that dream and finish what I had started. As a parent and an educator, it is important for me to model for my kids and students what I expect. It has meant that I won’t expect them to do something that I’m not willing to do myself. For my kids that meant never having to eat brussel sprouts or cottage cheese but I didn’t want it to mean that they didn’t have to work hard and go to school. And so, I made the decision to finish my degree.

Like so many of you, the process wasn’t easy. There were financial struggles, technical issues, scheduling conflicts (whether with classes or our families), personal and internal battles wondering if we COULD, SHOULD OR WOULD finish and WHEN on earth that might possibly be. We vented to our mentors, our families and our friends. We consumed copious amounts of coffee and bandwidth for our computers. We burned the midnight oil and stalked Taskstream waiting for those four little words, “Notification of Evaluation Completion” and exhaled a sigh of relief (some of us may have even shed a few tears) when they appeared.

And here we are today. We finished. We did it. We are now who we were meant to be. We may have completed our degrees but the story isn’t over. Our next chapter is stepping through the door. With this masterpiece (hold up diploma) there are now more opportunities opened to us and more possibilities. It is up to us to pick up the brush and create our next masterpiece.

It was fitting that quote started me on this journey. I was driving home the other day and it was a quote  from a song that seemed to sum it up. Susan Boyle sings a song with the lyrics, “Though I may not know the answers, I can finally say I’m free, and if the questions led me here, then I am who I was born to be.”

Good luck and Congratulations to our graduating class who are now ready to paint the world and thank you to all of those that have helped us along the way. And to those of you sitting out there and asking yourself the question about who you are meant to be – the answer is, “It is NEVER too late to find out” .