Mind
Matter
Mind over Matter. We've all heard it. We just have to use our brains to overcome obstacles we're facing and be stronger than them. Maybe it's all of the school work I've been doing. Maybe it's being around kids that struggle with fractions. Maybe it's this constant battle with life and weight that I've been fighting. Whatever the reason, I came to this conclusion. I am small minded. I need to expand my mind. How does one do this? Well, it boils down to some math. The human adult brain weighs roughly 3 lbs. My adult body currently weighs about 274lbs if the scale at the gym doesn't lie (I kind of hope it does).
3lbs (small mind)
274lb (big body of matter) = NEED TO MAKE SOME CHANGES or using about 1% my brain power.
Okay, it's not science it's me pontificating. But, since it's my blog I'm going to pontificate away :)
I can't increase my brain size. Increasing my body size only makes my brain seem smaller. So, logically and mathematically, I need to reduce my amount of 'matter'. Those of us with girth know that we didn't get that way through some genetic abnormality or freak chromosome that causes the weight to stick to us (wishful thinking). No, it's all of the things and people that 'matter' in our life that cause us to eat when we're stressed, not get enough sleep, not exercise like we should etc. We sometimes let things matter too much and as a result we 'matter' too much.
I've been trying to do it on my own. Because I didn't want to appear weak. (appearing strong matters to me). I've had the exercising down. Or so I told myself. Then I hired a personal trainer and in that first half an hour, I realized how much I have lied to myself. I thought that if I could run 12 or 13 minute miles, complete 5ks and half marathons and lift large objects that I was fit. What it really means is that I'm naturally strong and a victim of my small mindedness. I've let pride matter. That 30 minutes in the gym was humbling, humiliating and motivating. I managed not to cry in there but the tears flowed in the van afterwards. I felt muscles that I haven't felt in years. Sweat poured from my body as much as the tears streamed from my eyes. But in that moment of 'what have I done?', I felt something else. I felt my mind growing. I took a step towards seeing myself for who I have become, both good and bad.
Before you start with the 'don't be so hard on yourself' statements - let's be real. I know I try to be good person. I love others and try to lead a life a service. I am blessed to have many wonderful people in my life and I'd like to think it's because I have put some good in the world. But doing that doesn't mean I don't have faults. This blog has been a bit of a mirror and an accountability factor for me just like that first training session was.
At the gym we came to the conclusion that I have 118lbs of fat. That's 43% of me - almost half. I have a BMI of 39 - clinically obese. It doesn't matter that I have a pretty face, a good personality, or that I don't look like I'm almost 300lbs (I've heard all of those). It doesn't MATTER because even if it's true, what matters is that I have too much matter on my body. Some of that matter is family issues. Some is work stress. Some is baggage that has come with finishing my degree. Some of that matter is denial. Some is pride. Some is fear. But even if the chicken arms flap while I do it, I'm waving goodbye to that matter.
Instead of buying a new TV I hired a trainer at the gym. I had fought doing it because it is EXPENSIVE. I let it matter that the trainer was making more in half an hour than I make in an hour and a half. I let it matter that I thought I could do it myself. But then I let it matter that I thought people were watching me and judging me a the gym. Or I let it matter that I was tired and made excuses not to go. So I decided to re-evaluate what matters. Sure, it's costing me an arm and leg. But I'm hoping to lose what one arm and one leg weigh. Sure, she makes twice as much as me. But I'm making it matter that I live twice as long.
I'm making sure that the people that matter in my life I keep. And I'm finding ways to let go of those that don't. Or finding ways to let go of things that might keep them from mattering. If I keep doing that then things will matter less, and I will have less matter.
If I lose the 110lbs that I would like to lose (and even that has me technically above 'healthy' weight) the new math would look like this:
3lbs (mind)
165 (matter) = healthy body of matter and doubling my brain power to 2%.
2% doesn't seem like a lot but considering it would be a 100% improvement I'll take it. I've got goals set - both weight loss and personal - that are manageable. I have support networks in place. Because I matter.
... and so do you. You matter. Don't let life tell you that you don't. Don't let people tell you that you don't. Don't let life tell you that you don't. If you're battling matter of your own - know that you're not alone. Don't let the stinkin' thinkin' get you down. Surround yourself with people that DO matter and things that DO matter.
Together we'll keep expanding our minds and hopefully find the things that REALLY matter.
Till next time. (Which hopefully won't be quite so far away)
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