I haven't raced since November 5, 2011. That day was a PR (personal record) but also the day that I realized that my foot just wasn't right. I'd been limping along since before the half marathon in June when my doctor has diagnosed a bone spur and Plantar Fasciitis. I took time off after the half to rest it but started upping my mileage again in August. I was running anywhere from 15-25 miles a week through October. Ironically, running was pretty much the only time my foot didn't hurt. It ached and was sore all day but was downright debilitating after a run for several hours and despite icing, ibuprofen, stretching, compression socks, rest, etc. I could barely walk on it without feeling like I was going to pass out.
I went to the doctor who immediately ordered x-rays and an MRI which showed two stress fractures in my heel and one in my metatarsal. Into the boot and on crutches I went. For over 8 weeks I wore the boot. I started on a Vitamin D regimen, added new stretches, and rode the bike. I gained 10 lbs. over the holidays - not so much from eating but from the sudden loss of working out so much. I felt stressed. I couldn't sleep (not that sleeplessness was new to me, it just got worse). My repeat MRI shows that the stress fractures are all but healed. The bone spur has gotten a little bigger and the plantar fasciitis worse. I had been out of the boot for a day when I tweaked my knee and tore my medial meniscus. I alternate between the boot and the knee brace now because the leg just hurts pretty much all day but I can't wear both. Ice is my constant companion and cute shoes are but a distant memory. I had a cortisone injection this week. Having the injection is a 'hoop' - even though my body has proven it does not react well to cortisone I have to have it in order to move towards surgery.
With my last race a few months in the past and none on the horizon (I had to given up the dream of redeeming myself at the Vancouver First Half this February), I did have a little breakdown at the doctor when she mentioned *maybe* being able to train to walk a race I've run twice before. Surgery is still on the horizon unless I just decide that limping around is what I want to do for the rest of my life - which at this point is tempting. I am not a 'rester'. I do not do well sitting still and doing nothing. I am trying to remember that this is temporary - even though it's going on 8 months. It would be easier if I could pinpoint an actual injury, like my "Can't Touch This" tear of 2006 that started me on the long rehab journey that ended up in surgery on my other foot. At this point I would like to have the surgery, do my 10 weeks of recovery and then move on. Right now it feels like before, where I lost a year doing everything they wanted, only to have surgery. Having that history, and knowing what a positive outcome I had, makes it harder to wait.
And so, I'm learning to be content. I have two feet. Two legs. I have health insurance and a job. I am otherwise healthy. I cannot run, but I can walk (most days). A little physical and mental pain is minor compared to some of the suffering of others. I 'suffer' in a recliner with my TV and ice pack that are powered by electricity in my home. I have friends and family that drive for me when I cannot. I have helpful co-workers that open doors or come to me so that I don't have to walk as far. I am blessed beyond measure and am abundantly wealthy if only I look beyond myself.
I wish to be completely healthy. I wish to run again. More than anything I wish to learn whatever life is trying to teach me by having me be still in this moment. In that, I will be content.
As you go about life - don't forget to appreciate all that you have around you or take for granted the things that you are able to do, always remembering how unique and special you are and how many others there are out there that would wish for your blessings in an instant. And if there is a burden that you are carrying, don't be afraid to lay it down and rest in a moment of contentedness or allow someone else to share it with you.
Until next time.
No comments:
Post a Comment