Real vs. Fake

The holidays are rough for a lot of people. The hectic pace, the compulsion to "keep up with the Jones'", trying to do more than usual with less time and in many cases, less money. There's anticipation and hope, often mingled with a little disappointment and regret. Eating to excess, mixed up sleeping patterns, days that blend together. All factors that can be a recipe for roughness. So what do we do? We start to find ways to make it easier so that the holidays aren't quite so rough. We fake it.

About three years ago we bought a fake tree. The year before we almost didn't have a tree because we couldn't afford it. It came down to having presents for the kids or a tree - we opted for no tree but a kind stranger benevolently left one at our doorstep. The next year I found a $20 artificial tree at a day-after-Thanksgiving sale and we've used that ever since. It's easier to put up, easier to decorate and certainly easier to take down. Everything about it is easier. Except, since we got it, Christmas has been harder. Our attendance at Christmas Eve service has been hit and miss. The effort we've put into gifts; a little lackluster. Sending out a Christmas card or letter is non-existent. A bit of apathy has crept into our Christmas. We started going through the motions and without even realizing it were 'faking' Christmas.

Sitting at my parents' house on Christmas Eve, my mom mentioned how much she loves her fake tree and is so glad not to have buy a real one anymore. It was like a lightbulb went off in my head. My apathy or lack of Christmas spirit could be directly tied to our getting a fake tree. The more I thought about it, the more I could see how much a real tree had actually meant to my Christmas. Sure, the smell would sometimes give me migraines (as would trying to put on the lights after they'd magically mated and tangled themselves during their months in a box). It was a struggle to pay for it. A struggle to get it on the car and then into the house. It was a struggle to chop off the base of the trunk and get it 'just right' in the stand. It was work to find the perfect branch for each of the ornaments. But something about walking into the house and seeing a beautifully decorated REAL tree and smelling the scent of evergreen boughs somehow spelled Christmas.

When you think about it, Christmas wasn't meant to be easy. Mary didn't have an easy road being pregnant and traveling to Bethlehem on a donkey's back. She didn't have a maternity suite to deliver Jesus in. Joseph had to bear the looks of those wondering about his integrity and manhood. Jesus's birth in what was little more than a stable wasn't easy. But all of these things were real. Nobody could fake those things. There wasn't some technology or advance that could make it easier or make it go away. It was as real as it gets.

Thinking about the tree and the real reason for the Christmas season got me to thinking about the other things that we 'fake' instead of getting real. We let friendships go by the way side or pretend that everything's okay. We put on a happy face and nod and smile as the world goes by - not letting others in too far or caring too much. We live lives of pretense and falsehood in the name of making things easier. But on who? Each other? Ourselves?

This next year I want to be as real as possible. A friend's year in pictures on Facebook gave me cause for reflection. I wasn't in a single picture. I knew where and when the pictures were taken and had been there at some of the events but our relationship has changed, I'm not sure how and I'm not even sure when, but it did and our times together have been few and far between and certainly not photo worthy. Fake. Not the real relationship it used to be.

This year has also brought some remarkable 'real'ness into our lives. We've added a family member and are blessed to have him in our lives. Not everyone understands and we don't expect them to - we know the reasons and that they are real. The same can be said about some of the frienships I have right now. Some of the things that have happened this year have been almost unreal. I won't fake it and say that they were all good but they too, have given me lessons in the differences between real and fake. Real takes work. Fake does too. In both cases the work can be extreme. In both cases it can be painful. But I'd rather have an outcome based on 'real'ness and learn lessons that way than to become a better 'faker'.

My prayer this year is that all of our lives are blessed by real moments. I have only to look at the picture above, seeing the real smiles and knowing the path it took to get there that real is worth it. We should all hope that our reality teaches, and stretches us. That we would not be complacent or fake. That we would take the time to love our families and friends and let them know that they're worth it. And that in the midst of a world happy with 'fake', we would be lights of reality and the truth - and remember that Jesus didn't take a fake road - he took a real one. He took a way in a manger, to make a way to the cross - the realest action of all.

Be well. And be real. Here's to 2010!